Spoken Word: Conversation

 How do I start a conversation? I suppose a friendly “Hi!” would be nice with a smiling face. I’d walk into a space and speak loud enough for you to notice me. But who is the ‘me’ that you would see? And would you listen to my pleas? You see, I might not represent what you’d assume, you might then argue that my identity is just a costume. A façade. A mask. 

I mask myself, hiding under layers of perfume and makeupsometimes to avoid confrontation but it leads to dehumanisation when the men shout on the street about my tits. I’m in bits because I hide them, bind them, so it doesn’t make sense. Or when I dare to go barefaced in a hoodie and lower my voice, the boys know I’m not one of them. Something is still amiss. To them I’m still ‘a miss’. And I want to relate to them, I have so much to say to them. But how do you start a conversation?

 

When I bring up the conversation, it can be seen as attention seeking and, yes, while I am seeking attention from you to listen, it’s not my intention to do so in vain. Other things that is seen as attention seeking are my piercings and hairThe latter of which is ironically barely there. I decided to buzz it off which I thought would get men to buzz off, but it had the opposite affect. 

I wanted to detach myself from the male gaze and rather focus on the female gayslooking more stereotypically lesbian and butch which made me feel beautiful and prouder. The catcalls just got louder and more frequent and more vile. I think they’re just threatened which makes me smile.


Would men also feel threatened if I approached them in a bar though? Or is that setting the bar too low? If I set up a stool nearby and grabbed them by the faceand directed their friends my way. Speak loud and pester them drunkenly all nightforcing them to enter my space. It seems to be the only blunt way to communicate these days. Even if it worked, and I held someone, anyone in a feigned flirtation, could I truly clutch them in my conversation?

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