2025: A Year In Review

CW: mentions of depression and mental health crises, self-harm, dissociation and medication.

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2025 has been one of the most rollercoaster-esque years I’ve ever experienced, with a million ups and downs. I decided to review the last 12 months and detail all the highlights (and lowlights) as yet another bookmark for myself, and now you. Lucky you! 

I hope this blog doesn’t come off as ‘woe is me’, ‘poor me’, or ‘look at my suffering’, but rather as an insight into my life and as a reminder that even during your worst days, there is still hope and things to look forward to in the future. 

I hope you enjoy reading this and have a great festive period! <3

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I began 2025 sat in front of my TV with my family, watching CMAT (who I adore) singing Have Fun on the Jools Holland’s New Years’ Hootenanny on the BBC. It’s our annual tradition to watch Jools Holland. Unlike every other year, I was sitting in floods of tears, sipping on some gin to ease my depression- bit of a contradiction, I know. Two days later, I would be sat in an A&E with my parents, getting a tetanus shot for my most recent self-harm injury and being referred to my local community mental health team (CMHT) for a community psychiatric nurse (CPN).

I’d love to say I’ve come a long way since January, but I’d be lying.

I had 3 really bad depressive episodes this year (January, June to July- which I documented a previous post- and November to December- which I also documented in my most recent blog post) Don’t get me wrong, I’ve had many happy moments this year too, but they have been slightly tainted by the bad moments.

This year kicked off on a downer anyway due to the recent passing of my grandpa. Christmas and New Year felt empty without either of my grandparents. After the loss of my grandpa, I kicked into a hypomanic episode; not sleeping, not eating, drinking almost every day, and having the energy of a Duracell Bunny. Then I fell into my first depression of the year just before New Years which continued for the better half January. I didn’t have much hope for 2025. 

However, I began to feel better in due time because of seeing my CPN and changing my medication, and soon I was in recovery. I was balanced. I had finally come off my lithium (which I had been on for 2 years), and I stopped drinking as frequently. I met my beautiful boyfriend Andy at a staff night out on the last night of February, and I had genuine excitement for the year. I was auditioning every week at one point, going to Edinburgh to try out for Disney or rearranging the kitchen for self-tapes. I met my current barber who asked if I could be a hair model for a competition in May. I saw the Manics again at the Barrowlands. Things were looking up!

In April, I turned 24. I had a really cool Birthday; the day coincided with Easter, my brother treated me to an overnight in the Hilton in Glasgow, and then my parents took us to St. Andrews for the day. 24 is an age I never thought I’d see, to be honest. If you told 15-year-old me that I was still around and told them of all the things I had accomplished and gone through and how I’d evolved, they would never believe you. 24 sounds so adult. I mean it’s the final year before your frontal lobe is developed! I was hopeful then that I’d grow through this year and get my shit together.

In May, I modelled for my barber in the aforementioned competition. It was so cool to see the before and after shots and how different my hair was. The barber eventually won best female barber at the SHEBA Awards! The same day of the competition, one of my best friends Louise had a stall at the Glasgow Gothic Market selling ghost figurines, which is something I’m really proud of her for! Andy, Jessica (my other best friend) and I went to the market. It was really sick to see so many alternative vendors and so much gothic artwork! Since May, there have been three other markets which I’ve been to- they were equally as fun. Around the same time, Jessica, Louise and I booked a holiday to Lisbon for August.

In June, I fell into my second depression of the year which lasted around 10 weeks. I was off work for 8 of those weeks which landed me in a meeting about my attendance- yikes. During this time, I was tearful and suicidal and very, very forgetful. In one of my previous blogs, I detailed how I had dissociated for the best part of a week and had forgotten my actions and what I had done for days on end. I was also told I may have BPD/EUPD, and I was confused and honestly exhausted. Nightmare! I was given sertraline and soon was lifted out of my depression. I regained hope and looked forward to the coming months.

In August, I travelled to Manchester with Andy. We met my old flatmate Ronan and my uni friends Aminah and Rosa, we visited Liverpool, and I was feeling miles better. Later in the month, I had my holiday to Lisbon with Jessica and Louise which was beautiful. We day tripped to Cascais twice to visit the beach where I became at one with the water, swimming out against the tide and floating about in the sea. We also visited a dozen cute little cafés and ate Pastel Del Nata to our hearts’ content, we rode on the trams, and overall it was a lovely time. I’m the world’s worst flier so the 3-hour flight was a little intimidating (pathetic, I know- God help me if I ever visit my uncle in Australia!) but we made it back safely with nothing worse than some sunburn.  

September brought me a kidney stone. I had been in pain for weeks and hadn’t told anyone until one night it got unbearable and, thinking I had appendicitis, finally confessed to my dad who took me to A&E- my second visit of the year. They admitted me for the night and ran some tests, including one where they put ink in your blood stream which was bizarre. “You might taste metal and think you’ve peed yourself, but it’s just the injection”, said the nurse. Sure enough, I could feel a metallic taste in my mouth, and I thought I had wet myself (luckily I hadn’t really). In the end, we discovered my appendix was fine and that I had just passed a kidney stone. It took about a week to recover which landed me in yet another work meeting about my attendance. I was warned that if I was off again, I’d be issued with another warning and that I was on an eight-week probation-like period wherein if I was off again, we would have to assess my situation. Damn kidney! I visited Inverness that month too and learned to roller-skate on the caravan grounds and decking. Who would’ve thought a £40 purchase of roller-skates would bring so much joy?! I can’t wait for summer to go back out and skate about. This month also saw Louise moving to France which prompted us to have a massive bon voyage celebration at Box and the Cathouse in town. It was such a fun night! 

In October, we visited Inverness again to close the caravan for the season, this time we brought Andy with us. We celebrated our 6-month-anniversary on the 7^th of October (also my dad’s Birthday). For this occasion, Andy surprised me with a plethora of beautiful gifts including a signed photo of Gena Rowlands (whom I love!!!)- he is truly amazing at gift buying. Spooky season was well-celebrated with pumpkin picking and painting, and a Halloween party at Jessica’s house. This was the first time I had someone to do a couple’s costume with and, after many lists and whittling down and Pinterest inspo boards, Andy and I decided to go as Clementine and Joel from Eternal Sunshine Of The Spotless Mind (which not many people got to be honest). In work, we were allowed to dress up for the day, so I went as Coraline. I was one of about four who actually dressed up so I was slightly embarrassed. Around Halloween, I began to feel my mood dip and on the night of the 31^st I had a random meltdown to my mum after my shift, confessing I was becoming depressed again and I was afraid. I had hoped this was just a blip in my mood and that as I had been keeping busy with overtime shifts and spooky festivities, I could push the sadness down and keep on going. This was not the case.

On November 1^st, I went into work as usual for my petrol station shift. About an hour in, I began feeling wonky and burst out crying. Andy had come up to take me off for my break  and saw me in my state of misery and helped me call my manager to ask to go home. After a meeting with him, where I was hysterically sobbing, we decided I should take the rest of the day off and recover. I haven’t been back to work since and have had to take a sick line out for eight-weeks. You may remember my eight-week probation return period, well that hadn’t finished yet, so I was worried I’d be given yet another warning/in the extreme, lose my job. Work have been supportive with my mental health, with my colleagues reaching out periodically to check in on me. The rest of November was a write-off, and I don’t remember much apart from CPN appointments, being threatened with hospitalisation, and changing my meds a dozen times. 

Now it’s December. On the 1^st, I was greeted with an advent calendar and a phone call from my nurse. “We’re putting you back on Fluoxetine (Prozac) to lift you out of this depression”. I was stunned. I was given Prozac when I was 18 and I was thrown into a 3-month-long hypomanic episode which culminated in being told I may have bipolar and being referred to a psychiatrist. Apart from the odd Instagram post and frequent annoying Snapchat story which I have managed to visit, not much was documented around this time- I didn’t keep a diary or run a blog, so I can’t quite remember my feelings and thoughts except that I didn’t sleep for days, I had excessive energy, and I was seemingly very, very happy and confident. This all sounds great, doesn’t it? Wrong, I ended up exhausted and crashing to sorrow after this. My fear was the same thing would happen, and I’d be thrust into a world of topsy-turvy racing thoughts and sleeplessness (although, to be fair, I haven’t been sleeping much recently because of nightmares anyway). My Prozac regimen began with one-a-day for a week, then two, and now three-a-day. Throughout this month, I’ve had more CPN meetings and a meeting with a psychiatrist who readjusted my meds (again), and I’ve returned to my old self very slowly; being able to leave the house willingly, being able to actually shower (wow what a revelation!), and now getting up in the morning doesn’t feel scary or undoable.

As I had basically been bedridden for two months, Christmas was something I dreaded as I hadn’t begun present shopping until 2 weeks before the big day (thank God for online shops and shipping!) I’ll toot my own horn and say I ended up outdoing myself this year, buzzing to give everyone their presents and feeling proud of myself for having done so much in so little time. In return, I was rewarded with the most beautiful gifts from my parents, my brother, my best friends, and Andy and his family. I truly was spoiled! The big day came and went as quick as a flash- my mum and I spent the day with my auntie Sophia and her family, while my dad visited my brother in London. I spent boxing day with Andy and his family, playing the video game It Takes Two, eating Chinese food, and getting tipsy off 0.5% so-called “non-alcoholic” gin. My dad finally came home the day after and we had a special dinner with dessert and swapped presents since we hadn’t seen each other in like 5 days. Another one of our traditions is to visit the Livingstone Designer Outlet centre and have a snoop about the post-Christmas sales. We brought Andy with us and the four of us had had a great time exploring the shops and the bargains they had on offer. I got the new Billie Eilish perfume for £33 when it should have been £60 so not a bad day at all!

Now it’s midday on New Year’s Eve, another year has flown in, and I’m sitting here writing whilst listening to Hole’s Live Through This (one of my favourite records) on my vinyl player. My parents and I are visiting Stirling Castle later today and taking our annual trip to the Stirling Morrisons to buy buffet food and drinks for tonight. Andy is coming to ring in the bells with us and stay over as he is off work tomorrow. I don’t have much planned for 2026, apart from returning to work on Saturday (which I’m a bit anxious about!) and hopefully travelling with Andy in the coming months, but I’m looking forward with hope for the New Year!

 

I hope 2026 is kind to you all, and you have a very happy and healthy New Year!